Dealing with drama on the job is one of the worst parts of being an executive. It has got the potential to suck the life span out of you, and to kill your motivation, and for a lot of my clients, it leaves them wondering: "Why did I choose this career?" The best exemplory case of that is one my clients - we shall call him John.
John is the CEO of a manufacturing company. He hates drama. You are able to literally see his skin crawl when he covers it. His face scrunches up. His shoulders tighten and he winces when he covers the newest drama of the day. "I recently don't get it. What is everyone's problem? Why can't they just do their work? It's like working with children." Then his body crumbles, and he looks defeated. Exhausted. Helpless. Weighed down.
We could all connect with John. We have all experience political situations that people choose to forget. Those times when we're caught in a top of workplace drama - one individual is upset, gossip in the business is rampant, and we feel like a ping pong ball as we bounce around trying to create sense of the issue. So, what is an executive to accomplish? If you're caught in drama, how will you escape this dark hole?
First off, let's discuss what never to do. John illustrates this well. Everytime John experiences drama, he avoids it. He literally shuts down. His face goes blank. He starts to squirm, and he typically nods in a placating way. Not surprisingly, the placating nod does the absolute most harm. When he nods, people feel understood, nevertheless when John he takes no action, they get mad. Outcome? They attack John. Dramacool They whisper in the lunch room: "What's his problem? He doesn't do anything!" Some individuals get angry. The irony is that now individuals have a new issue to bond around - John's deadbeat behaviour. It's not surprising that John has 45% turnover in his company. Not good.
So, that which was John doing wrong? Well, a couple of things. For starters, he distanced himself from the drama to the level that he escalated the problem. By distancing himself, John became part of the drama problem because nothing got handled in a constructive way.
One of the basic principles of working with drama at work is to acknowledge your emotional patterns when you encounter drama and to acknowledge how your typical reaction contributes to the problem. Does it escalate it? Enable others? Or diffuse it? If John could self-manage his reactions better, he could have got a different tactic when employees stumbled on him about issues. He might have expressed confidence within their ability to take care of the problem constructively, facilitated the development of a behavioural code of conduct, or introduced a skilled 3rd party to greatly help them. Instead, he was so busy managing his own anxiety, nothing got done.
Second, he created a "drama triangle" - a seductive high energy interaction including blaming, defensive behaviour, and rescuing. Drama triangles are recognizably consistent no real matter what the important points of the problem and they include the following roles:
The Persecutor: "This business is this kind of hole." "I can't believe the grade of management." "It's all John's fault." "That VP, Sales is really a real idiot." All the energy adopts finding someone or something the culprit for all the company's problems. Blaming another person makes people feel better and, needless to say, this means other people have to improve, not you.
The Victim: "I tried my best." "I couldn't get through." "They did this to me." This is the victim in the drama. They work with a helpless tone, and don't take personal responsibility. They might search for you to definitely rescue them, or the culprit, to be able to get rid of their negative feelings.
The Rescuer: Rescuers need a prey to feel good. They are "do-gooders" without boundaries. "I'd like to fix this. I'd like to take this on." "I could save the day." "I'd like to rescue this poor person who was hard done by." Rescuers may try to greatly help people without having to be asked, or they take a twisted pleasure in getting their nose into other people's drama.
Many people learn the energy of being a persecutor, victim, or rescuer as children and they repeat this behaviour within their career without having to be alert to it. As an executive, if you participate in this behaviour or answer it, you will escalate the drama and there is a price to pay for - people won't want to work for you, you will feel drained at work, and you will produce a negative culture.
To break the cycle, you need to create the tone of personal accountability, respect, choice, and principled behaviour in your organization and work culture. Here are some specific tactics:
- Watch out for drama triangles and start to pay attention to who's playing the role of persecutor, victim, and rescuer. Be mindful of which role you often play.
-Consider the payoff in your organization for taking on a particular role. Are people "bonding" together when they've another person the culprit? Are they avoiding working with the complexity of issues by blaming one individual? Do the "victims" get pity? Do people feel sorry for them, or stay clear, thereby giving them power? Have you been creating dependence in your organization by rescuing people? Self-righteousness?
- Explore what is being avoided by participating in the drama. Exist some deeper issues in the business that need to be addressed? In that case, what're they?
- Notice your reactions to drama. What are you doing? Not doing? What are you taking responsibility for? Maybe you have agreed to accomplish significantly more than you wish to?
- Once you get brought about by a drama, give attention to grounding yourself. Don't handle the drama until you can get involved without escalating your own emotional reaction.
- Facilitate a healthier outcome by emphasizing principles - respect, honesty, and making agreements that work. Recognize that the more intense the drama, the harder it will be to get people to develop a healthier outcome.
-If you are too close to the issue at hand, get yourself a facilitator or executive coach to facilitate healthy dialogue.
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